I'm going to jail i love you
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
