Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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