Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
