i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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