I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize