Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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