My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
