Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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