That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
