hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
