i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
