Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There r osticjed everywhere
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
