my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
