lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
