I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
