he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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