I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
