I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
