I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
