Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
