He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
