normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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