so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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