I wanna bring you to show and tell
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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