If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
