so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize