I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
