$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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