yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
