We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
