sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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