I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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