I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
