Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
