so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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