He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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