? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
