Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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