after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize