Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
do nipples grow back?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
