I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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