Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
