apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
