Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
