Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
