I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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