If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
