from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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