Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
