We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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