so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
