Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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