His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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