ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
