She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
