No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
