Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
