I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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