New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we're so committed to being not committed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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