Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
