I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
