My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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