the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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