this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
