you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
