we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
