she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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